Gandhi's 3 Monkey's..(New Version)

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New Version





What is it signifying??







Can not see India losing.

Can not hear the audience outburst against the team .

Can not speak in front of media about the causes of defeat.

If Statue of Liberty was in India.

Difference between Boys and Girls while using ATM

Boys:

1. Drive to the bank, park and go to the Cash Dispenser.
2. Insert card
3. Dial code and desired amount
4. Take the cash, the card and the slip

Girls:
1. Drive to the bank
2. Engine stalled
3. Check make-up in the mirror
4. Apply perfume
5. Manually check haircut
6. Park the car - failure
7. Park the car - failure
8. Park the car - Success
9. Search for the card in the handbag
10. Insert card, rejected by the machine
11. Throw phone card back in handbag,
12. Look for bank card.
13. Insert Card
14. Look for Secret Box (where secret code is written)in Handbag
15. Enter code
16. Study instructions for 2 minutes
17. #Cancel#
18. Re-enter code
19. #Cancel#
20. Call Boyfriend/husband to get correct the code
21. Enter desired amount
22. #Error#
23. Enter bigger amount
24. #Error#
25. Enter maximum amount
27. Take cash
28. Go back to the car
29. Check make up in rear mirror
30. Look for keys in handbag
31. Start car
32. Drive 50 meters
33. STOP
34. Drive back to bank machine
35. Go out of the car
36. Take card and ticket back from machine
37. Go back to the car
38. Throw card on passenger seat
39. Throw slip on the floor
40. Check make up in rear mirror
41. Manually check haircut
42. Go into roundabout - wrong way
43. BRAKE
44. Go into roundabout - right way
45. Drive 5 kilometers
46. Remove hand brake

47. Call boyfriend/husband to tell how miserable she was because of HIM.

HOW TO GET UP EARLY

Great Peoples Have Great Ideas Like Me

लोक सत्य

☺☺☺☺

Reduced: 86% of original size [ 594 x 429 ] - Click to view full image

My Room

ATM

This happens only in india

Computer Humour

Press Any Key To Continue ...........

PAKISTANI MATHS QUESTION PAPER

Instructions:

-----------------
i) Students found copying will be shot on the spot.
ii)Any student coming late after 10 minutes after the exam starts will
be forced to join Al Qayda group.
iii)AK-47's and Grenades are not allowed in the exam hall. Students may
keep their daggers, Revolvers and pack of anthrax bombs only for self
defense.
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Math Exam Time 3 hours Full Marks 100
All questions are compulsory.

1. Abdul was sent to jail for murder .He has 7 wives in his house.
Abdul distributed money to his wives in such a proportion that the
youngest and most recent wife receives maximum and oldest wife gets
minimum, and each wife gets double of her former competitor. Abdul has 1700
Rupaye left in his house. Abdul's oldest wife needs atleast 25 rupaye per
month. Find out the time when Abdul will have to break Jail to come out
and earn money so that his wives do not starve.

2. Karim is a Drug seller. Prices per gram of Marijuana, hasis, haroine
and LHD s are 50, 60,70,80 Rupaye respectively. Karim offers a discount
of Rupaye 20 for his buyers who buys more than 50 grams of drug. If
Rahim , a buyer gets Rupaye 37 discount , find out the grams of LHD he
bought.

3. Imran tampers the ball thrice per over. He deforms the ball .02% of
its original shape each time . Find the percentage deformation the ball
due to tampering in a one day series against India in which Imran
bowled 9.3 overs.


4. Rauf has a Company named Al Allah Kidnapping & Murder Private
Limited. He has to threat 10 people per day over Telephone. 40% of the people
he threats are cinema stars in Mumbai, 30% are Businessman in Delhi,
20% are Cricket Players in Madras and 10% are shopkeepres in Calcutta .
If ISD charges are rupaye 15, 25, 40, 50 per minute from Rauf's city
Islamabad to Bombay, Delhi,Calcutta and Madras respectively and he gets a
Telephone bill of 10,230 Rupaya in a month Find out The No of Cinema
stars in Mumbai ,threatened in that particular month.

5. A terrorist group has to provide one Ak 47.one AK 49,one Rocket
Launcher, 50 Grenades and one pack of RDX to its Ron roots for training.One
AK 47 costs 100$; One Ak 49 costs 150 $,A Bazuka rocket Launcher costs
250 $ , grenade is 3 $ each, a pack of Rdx Bomb attached with remote
Control is 500 $.
The terrorist group admits 2000 new people every year out of which 30 %
are court-martialed. Find the amt of Foreign Money Pakistan Govt has to
provide each year to run such a group.

6. If stabilty of democratic Govt. in pakistan is given by the
following equation X exp3 +X exp2 -16 = i, where the notations have their usual
meaning; Find out x.

7. Probaliblity of a Pakistani prime minister to be shot is 78 %.
Probabilty of a Military general to be shot is 80% .
Find the joint probability of a Prime minister to be shot who is also a
Military general.

8) Find out geometrically the area of Paktunistaan using PI Theorem
with Osama BIn Ladens Correction (That is taking the value of PI = 786
instead of 3.14....), if Paktunistaan is taken as a heptagon.

9) A 'GHAURI' missile tries to fly from Drass to Kargil which is not
too far from Drass (say 100 miles) and is exactly to the East of Drass .
The wind is blowing from the South and the speed of the wind is exactly
equal to the speed of the airplane. (The speed of the airplane is
measured with respect to the air!) The pilot decides to steer straight to
Kargil all the time during the flight.
Will the airplane ever reach Kargil ? What if the speed of the wind is
k times the speed of the airplane, where k is a positive number (can be
greater or less than 1)? Try to sketch the trajectory of the airplane
(with respect to the ground, of course) in each of the three cases:
k=1, k1 and k<1.>

Santa Banta

Santa was riding on a horse. He jumped the red light & a cop whistles.
Santa lifts the tail of horse & says: 'Le Karle Number Note'


Santa suffering from cold was shivering. His son called a doc.
Doc: wht happened?
Son: Bimari da ta pata nahun par baapu saver da VIBRATION mode te lagaya hai


Jeeto & Preeto were talking about their new milkman.
Jeeto: He's very good looking, punctual & dresses so smartly.
And so quickly too!, said Preeto


While walking in the highlands Santa fell down a deep hole.
Banta: R u ok?
Santa: Yeah!
Banta: Did u break anything?
Santa: No, there's nothing down here


Santa goes to buy a underwear. On choosing one he asks: How much for this?
Shopkeeper: Rs 500
Santa: Arey bhai daily waer dikhaao, Party wear nahin chahiye.



Banta: Oye, tu to Doctor ke paas jaane waala tha, kya hua?
Santa: Yaar kal jaaonga, aaj thodi tabiyat kharab hai.


Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat



Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.



Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.


Santa was standing in sun on a hot sunny day.
Banta asked: What are you doing?
Santa: Drying sweat


Santa was looking at a painting for a long time of a naked woman with leaves covering the body, he was asked what he was doing and he answered: Waiting for autumn.


Santa went to see a gal for marriage. Their families decided to leave them for some talk. After some time, Santa asks: Behenji, tusin kinne behen-bhai ho?
Girl: Vaise taan 3 si, par hun 4 ho gaye.

Jeeto: yelled at Santa: U're gonna b really sorry! I'm going to LEAVE you!
Santa: Make up ur mind! Which one is it gonna be?



Santa: Itne kam marks? Do thappad marne chahiye.
Pappu: Haan papa, chalo maine us saale master ka ghar bhi dekh rakha hai.



Santa waitin at bus stop in UK along with 3 women.
When bus arrived, conductor picked the women & said: No more, no more

Lady to inspector Santa: My husband went to buy potatoes 5 days ago, he hasn't come back yet!
Santa: Why don't u cook something else.



A lady calls Santa for repairing door bell.
Santa doesn�t turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again, Santa replies: I'm coming daily since 4 days, I press the bell but no one comes out



Banta: Truck dekhkar tum kaampte kyon ho?
Santa: Ek truck driver meri biwi lekar bhaag gaya tha, har baar lagta hai jaise usko vapas karne aya hai.

Banta sent sms to Santa: Bhejnewala mahan, padhnewala gadha.
Santa got angry and replied: Bhejnewala gadha, padhnewala mahan.



Q: Why did Santa throw the butter out of the window?
A: He wanted to see butterfly!



Nurse: Congrats Santa ji, aap papa ban gaye.
Santa: Meri wife ko nahi bolna mein use surprise dunga!


Jeeto: I didn't know you smoked. When did you start?
Preeto: That night my husband came home early and found a cigarette butt in the ashtray.



Preeto 2 maid: Oh Kanta, I hv reason 2 suspect that Banta is having an affair with his secretary.
Kanta: I don't believe it! U r just trying 2 make me jealous.



Santa standing on platform suddenly jumps on the railway track.
Banta: Santa u'll die.
Santa: U'll die bcoz haven�t u heard train is coming on platform?

Santa & Banta got tired of mobile & decide 2 use pigeons. 1day a pigeon reaches Banta without message. Angry Banta calls Santa!
Santa: Oye, this was a missed call.


Q: Why was Santa writing the exam near the door?
A: Because it was an entrance exam.


Santa: My mother-in-law was bitten by a mad dog!
Banta: Oh! That�s terrible.
Santa: Yes, it was sad to watch the dog die in convulsions."

Munna Bhai

PROFESSOR :
Gandhi Jayanti ke baray mein kya jantey ho?
MUNNA BHAI :
Gandhi bahut jabardast aadmi tha, Baap. Maa Kasam, par apun ko yeh nehin malum ke yeh Jayanti kaun hai.

---------------------------------------------

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, Bapu ne bola tha ke kabhi jhoot nehin bolna mangta hai. Apun aaj se kabhi jhoot nehin bolega Bhai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Aye Circuit, woh Sunita ka baap aya hai terayko dund rehla hai.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai usko bolo apun gaon gaya hai, kheti karneko.
MUNNA BHAI :
Par Circuit, abhi to tu bola kabhi jhoot nehin bolega.
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, apun jhoot nehin bolega, par tum to bol sakta hai na.

---------------------------------------------

MAMU :
Chand toh raat ko nikalta hai, aaj din mein kaise nikal aya?
GIRL :
Ullu to raat ko bolta hai, aaj din mein kaise bol pada?

---------------------------------------------

CIRCUIT :
Bhai, woh apnay bachpan ka dost aarehla aaj raat ko dinner pe. Mera sara chain collection apnay kamray mein chupa do na please.
MUNNABHAI :
Kyun tera dost chor hai kya?
CIRCUIT :
Nehin Bhai, woh apnay chain pechan lega.

---------------------------------------------

MAMU :
Bhai, apnay ko char mahinay mein Tamil sikhna padega. Kuch upay batao.
MUNNA BHAI :
Kannada kyun, aur char mahinay ka kya chakkar hai?
MAMU :
Meinay ek Tamil baccha adopt kiya hai, aur woh char mahinay mein bolne lagay ga.

---------------------------------------------

PROFESSOR :
Akal badi ki bhais?
MUNNA BHAI :
Bole toh pehlay date of birth bata mamu.

---------------------------------------------

MUNNA BHAI :
Circuit, bole toh yeh Ford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bhai, gaadi hai.
MUNNA BHAI :
Toh phir, yeh Oxford kya hai?
CIRCUIT :
Bole toh, simple hai bhai, Ox mane Bael, Ford mane gaadi. Oxford bole toh Baelgaadi.

---------------------------------------------

Circuit takes a flight to Singapore and he is seated next to an Englishman. Circuit open his tiffin and serves himself a roti.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Bread India
Circuit then open the box of jalebi.
ENGLISHMAN :
What is this?
CIRCUIT :
Sweet India
With all the food he hogged on, Munna farts. The Englishman is offended and in shock asks ...
ENGLISHMAN :
What is that?
CIRCUIT :
Air India

---------------------------------------------


CIRCUIT :
Aye Mamu, tereko papad aur jhapad mein pharak pata hai kya?
MAMU :
Nehin.
CIRCUIT :
To kha ke dekh le, pata chal jayega.

---------------------------------------------

MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, apun bachpan mein dus maley ke building se gir gaya tha.
MAMU :
Aarey, phir kya hua. Bach gaya ki tapak gaya?
MUNNA BHAI :
Yaad nehin hai yaar. Bahut purane baat hai.

---------------------------------------------

MUNNA BHAI :
Mamu, tu kitna pada hai?
MAMU :
B.A.
MUNNA BHAI :
Sala, two akshar pada aur woh bhi ulta?

---------------------------------------------

MAMU :
Oye, maar gayay yaar. Meri biwi aur premika saath saath aa rehla hai.
MAMU KA DOST :
Arrey, mein bhi yehi bolnewala tha.

---------------------------------------------

CIRCUIT :
Oye Short Circuit yeh light bulb pe baap ka naam kya likh raha hai?
SHORT CIRCUIT :
Apun baap ka naam roshan kar rehle hai.

---------------------------------------------

PRINCIPAL :
Agar koi ladka girls hostel mein gaya toh first time 100 Rs fine, 2nd time 200 Rs. Fine and 3rd time 500.

MUNNA BHAI :
Boley to Monthly paas ka kya lega Mamu

---------------------------------------------

Great SMS

Every second God remembers you,
Every minute God bless you,
Every hour God cares for you because...
Every day I pray God to take care of U.
-------------------------------------

Good looks catch the eyes,
but Good Personality catches the heart.
You are blessed with both!
FLATTERED???
Don't Be!!! It was sent to ME, and I just wanted you to read it...

-----------------------------------
1 day u'll B srprisd 2 c ME beside U.
U & ME laughing,
U &amp;amp;amp;amp; ME crying,
U & ME dreaming,
U & ME holding on,
U & ME...

just U & ME sitting in a MENTAL HOSPITAL & ME CHECKING U.

------------------------------------

Apko MULAYAM ki akal,
LALOO ki shakal,
Mayawati ki wani,
JAYA ki jawani,
KALAM jaise baal,
ATAL jaisi chaal mile..
GOOD LUCK

-------------------------

The animals of a jungle have decided to hold a meeting. The lion has come, the tiger has come, the elephant has come, the monkey has come.. But The meeting hasn't started. Guess why ? Because the Donkey is busy reading this SMS !

---------------------

$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'
MOHABBAT
means...
$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'$'
M - aut
O - oljhan
H - aarna
A - asoo
B - barbadi
B - ewafai
A - ndhera
T - anhai, I agree? Do you?

----------------------------------

Friendship is a relation where no Charges of Activation,
Free incoming, Free Outgoing, with roaming facility all over the World!!

-----------------------------------

Kya bindas hava chal raheli hai, birdy gana ga rahele hain,
Cow log grass eat rahele hain,
shane log SMS kar rahele hain
aur dhakkan log SMS padh rahele hain...


-------------------------------------

The world doesnot need more mountains to
climb! more seas to cross!or more stars to shine!
what the world needs is only more of U & UR smile!!
GOOD MORNING

---------------------------------------

FRIENDSHIP
knows no season,
knows no time,
it has a sole intention
of bringing two people together
to a Moment
called...

"F O R E V E R"

--------------------------------------

(((((( ))))))
(((( @) (@ ))))
(((((; <._.> ;)))))
(((((( ,__, ))))))

You are so...

B H o o T I F u L


------------------------------------

Life is like:
Maths
Friend kO
Plus karO
+
Dushman kO
Minus karO
-
Khushia kO
Multiply karO
*
Gam kO
Divide karO
:-
aur
.
Life kO
enjoy karO!

--------------------------------------

Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,
Baap ne kabhi Page nahi dekha,
aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!

-------------------------------------

Wishing u hapiness
as big as Ganeshji's Appitite,
life as long as his trunk,
troubles as small as his mouse, and
moments as sweet as his favourite Ladoos.

---------------------------------------

Wonderful people r carefully created by God,
wonderful moments are carefylly planned by God,
wonderful friends like you are carefully gifted by God.

----------------------------------------

Great people talk ideas,
Average people talk about things,
Small people talk about other people, And
Legends never talk, they send SMS...

--------------------------------------------

T I T A N I C
__||___
_'::::::::'=._,/I___
'_,_____________/

Although it was a big SHIP, but it 'sunk', so the best
SHIP is still "FRIENDSHIP".

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